After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
