so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
