mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
