So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
