ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
