I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
