A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
