Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
