Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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