is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
