we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize