Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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