My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
