I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
