I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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