good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
