How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
