I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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