Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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