So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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