how do flat chested girls get laid?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
