I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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