Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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