awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
