I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
