Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
