i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
