my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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