Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
