I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I've blown a few things in my day
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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