Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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