shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
