pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
im six kinds of drunk right now
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
