i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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