you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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