I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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