No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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