So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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