my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize