I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
