you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
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