my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
