I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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