My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
