You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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