Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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