Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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