I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
