I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
