I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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