And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
