A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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