stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
How's work?
Spinning.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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