he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
