Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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