My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think I won the penis lottery.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
No...this little piggys going to the bar
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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