So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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