Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
