What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
