So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
