dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The Olympian is in my bed
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
