I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
