Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
