Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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