Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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